If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
