If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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