I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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