I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
