the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
