I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize