I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
