Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
