I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
