I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
