She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
