if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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