Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
