This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is Oprah even human
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
