Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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