I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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