she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize