Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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