Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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