So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
