I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
