God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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