i just wanna soil my oats bro
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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