Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
