he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize