she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
try to milk me bitch
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