I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize