wrigley field is MILF paradise
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
