trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
