ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
