Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I love you. Go after that dick
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I have post one night stand depression
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
