Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
