Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
