Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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