marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
