So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
