wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
