its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
