If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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