I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
