Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize