Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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