I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
