i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
