just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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