we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize