i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
