I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
