He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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