Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
