This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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