there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
