watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
