First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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