she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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