So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
