i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
