I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
