I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
