Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
