She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
