I could have mohawked her pubes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
