I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
