someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
