Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
handjob tips. give me some.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
