no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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