she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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