So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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