I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she told me i tasted like america
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You are a genius and a whore.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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