Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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